I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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