Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
whose ass print is on the piano?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
