Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
