remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
