The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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