I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
