so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
