Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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