I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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