He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
