I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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