Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we're so committed to being not committed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
