i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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