I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
