I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
