and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
