remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
