We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
