Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
