i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
