I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
