winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
