the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
