jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
