I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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