So drunk its hurt
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
