as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
