she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
