Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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