they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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