All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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