So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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