I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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