Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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