i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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