Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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