she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
