Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Randomize
