Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
