You're my little dorito
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
