Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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