my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
