matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
