i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
