Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pants are for mortals
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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