What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
