He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
