can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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