What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
