Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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