the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
