Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
