i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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